Summer Ice Coffee

Caffeine is enjoyable
when you are wide awake,
well rested,
unneeded.
When tired,
caffeine is
chaos.

Why must what we need
always be hard,
and what we want
so unnecessary?

See

That naughty piece of hair
you noticed
is sticking up again;
hydrogen bonds too crave attention.

Carry on
miniscule elements
amalgamate my desire

to be seen.

Advice

On the phone
you say not to
let my issues get me.

This feels like cake
in front of a kid
with a weight problem.

Not that the problems are weighty,
just that my eyes are bad.

Atlas (Rubiyat)

If you were told to hold up the sky
Would you do it quickly, willingly comply?
Or would you have something else to do,
Burdens common, the greatest seeming undue?

And would it be heroic to walk away?
Not to worry oneself day after day?
Why take on more strife just to gripe
When the world spins on regardless anyway?

Whose skies do you hold?
What complaints are your gold
That you treasure in lieu of greatness?
Let go of your burdens unfold.

Bolts of Melody

Everyday is beautiful;
everything will change.
Every moment has its magic,
can it be sustained?

Streams are born in mountains,
fountains born in form,
delirious deciduousness,
forever is forlorn.

Parameters are built,
experience is mad,
hopefulness is predicated
on never having had.

Meadows have many colors
the sky can just reflect
buildings try to touch its threshold
but never can connect.

How low on the horizon
can you see the sky?
What clouds and concepts intercede
discouraging your try?

As far, as far, in front of you
let your eyes roam free.
your dreams are sleeping just beyond
what the eye can see.

Driving with Dad II

By the docks on Third Avenue
you try to teach me
to drive stick.

Twice into third gear
I switched
when you confidently prodded me
towards greater Brooklyn.

You sat faithfully casual
by my side
until a bus turned
too wide
and I had to reverse,
stalled instead
immediately cried
with you shouting to turn back
on the car
to shift again
the bus horn serenading
our dispute.

I listened and shifted into reverse
and into first too,
across the street
then pulled over and said,
“never again.”

We switched roles then,
continuing the two steps forward
one step back
of daughterhood.

Me perpetually
in the back seat,
safe.

Driving with Dad I

We drive down the highway.
For the countless time,
I’ve put my life in your hands.

The music recedes to the background.
I focus my energy forward,
bracing for a crash,
staring down the speedometer,
silently telling it
not to let you go
too fast.

You joke about hydroplaning,
break the tension
(the mouting
family vacation).

In high school
you took the shoulder
of the Bronx Queens Expressway
so I would be on time to math,
me pressing my imaginary brake,
averting our collision
with the break lights ahead.

(Flashing behind my yes
my imagined image
of you spinning
over black ice alights.
Standing by the phone
you relayed this
above my ears,
I was only five
but I remember
the hushed tones
of thankfulness.)

In the backseat,
I stay silent,
loyal to your knowledge
to guide me.

Only Child

I told my mother once
that I liked summer camp
because I could tell the counselors,
yet unknown,
all about myself
from the beginning.

So much have I craved
for someone
to see things my way,
to validate
that those too
would be the decisions
they would have made.

That indeed
in my wholeness
I was worthy
of being loved.

For When We’re Apart/Passive Aggressive Intentions/Shakespearian Sonnet Attempt

Part I—Intention Expressed

When light peers my vision—you enter my mind;
This I tell you in gift: a pocket love song.
Forever I’ll sing words to shower you kind,
Like though far I feel, for your body I long.

Attention I’ll pay you while passing my day,
Though busy the world, I’ll become not content
To presume you’ll understand what I say
Instead I’ll care to express what I meant.

Blast! This seems so severely demanding
(I doubt you foolishly trouble yourself)
but since words are often palavering
why feign falsely that it means something less?

In my mind, you’re here when first I greet the day
and again come night, though you’re so far away.



Part II—Passive Aggressivity Sadly Takes Reign

Pay me attention all throughout the day,
And when the world’s busy, be not confused
Assure me my place won’t be taken away
Otherwise smiling, inside I’ll feel used.

I fear this makes me seem too demanding
(at the very least, so to myself)
but since it is truly what’s happening
why feign falsely it is something else?

When light first appears, you are on my mind,
This I see appreciated in your feeling strong
My mission I carry on to shower you in kind
But I lack confidence, for emotion I long.

Darling, am I there when first you greet the day?
And then again come night? Lover, will you stay?

NYC After Vacation

Ah! To return to
the smell of exhaust,
the sunset of smog
the reason for late nights
the rhyme of alarm
the unnatural undulations
of my urban lungs

A fondness I have
random collisions’ confusion,
the exponential power
of meaningless intersections.

Research Methods

When researching oneself
there is no directory of events
from which to systematically select;
there is no random
survey of life
things rise
like cream
reasons unseen
who was in the room
the time of day, the ray of light
the unisolatable way we’re hurt
is rarely convenient

We are not malls of personalities
sequestered on a clipboard
conveniently differentiated
by colors of tees
we are one
wardrobe
to change
is a challenge
let alone
stratify happenstances.
It would be to know
all the people you were
on the corridor
of your life
that had no walls
or classroom numbers.

What can we do—but digress—
study if your relationship is failing
by studying what feels bad
(you want people who are into cock-fighting
go to a cock fight).

The legitimacy of a sample
depends on what you look for.
Remember,
if there is a plateau,
it must involve time.
Adore your square of land;
learn to accept
yourself.